Refuge of Grace

My gray and green shoes pound the sidewalk pavement, while my hand loosely holds the ridged black leash. Following this long leash to its end, you will find my white faced, golden haired miniature golden doodle. Anxiety is all-consuming today– pulsing between my shoulder and scapula, palpitating tension throughout my body. I cannot seem to alleviate this undulating stress.

I am an introvert, gaining oxygen from times of solitude. Sometimes, as a mom, the lack of alone time, sucks the air from my lungs, making me feel like I could collapse. Today is one of those days. From the minute my feet hit the cold tile floor and we rinsed our breakfast dishes, my daughter wanted woven into my moments. Her toothless smile and high-pitched chatter exude joy, but today her constant presence shoots stabs of anxiety into my shoulder and chest.

So here I am, now in solitude, except for my dog, whose paws scratch the sidewalk as he trots along next to me. Click, click, click. With each step, I breathe, trying to loosen the grip anxiety tightly winds around my shoulder.

As my feet hit the pavement, I remember why I love to walk—every step brings me deeper into His world, soul bursting in awe of my Creator. Stepping over a crack in the sidewalk, I notice a sprinkle of lavender flowers reaching skyward. To my right, the slightly green grass begs for neon and pastel colored Easter eggs to be hidden beneath its blades. I breathe in the fresh air, a cool March breeze hitting my face, while a red-breasted robin dances on its toothpick legs, playing hop-scotch in the grass.

We keep walking. My dog sets the pace, forcing my legs to move. I spot a sunshine yellow crocus waking from its winter slumber to a serenade of birds floating on the breeze. These first signs of spring, stir hope from its dark dormancy within my soul. I slowly feel like I might be coming alive again.

As I turn on the sidewalk to head home, a knobby nut brown tree clicks its lifeless branches together as a wind gust rattles the bare tree’s skeleton. That’s how I feel, I think to myself, like a listless tree tossed in the wind. It feels as if have no life within me and I am uncertain any vitality will come forth again. Upon a second glance, I spy buds taking shape on the seemingly forlorn tree. This tree shows signs of life! As I walk, my mind ponders, I am like that tree. I may feel dead now, but spring is coming. Just as the tree needs God’s help to open its buds, God will restore my soul.

The Spirit brings to mind a verse that buoys me in difficult seasons. In Psalm 23, David praises God for His protection, as David’s shepherd. At the beginning of this well-known psalm, David focuses on the rest and restoration his Shepherd provides. In verses 2 and 3 David writes,

“He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul.”

–Psalm 23:2-3, NIV

David soul-satisfyingly illustrates the rest God provides, “He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters.” Even in the valley of anxiety and depression, we find deep rest in God. In the ESV translation, “refresh” translates as “restore.” Not only does God provide rest, He also restores our souls, just as He will restore this tree as spring dawns.

If you are walking through darkness now, friend, you are not alone. Tomorrow may not bring the complete healing we desire on this side of heaven, but let’s come to our Shepherd and receive His rest and restoration.

Spring is coming, friends.