Refuge of Grace

Does winter scare you? Me too. Do all the grays of winter threaten to plunge you into the darkness of depression and doubt? Oh friend, me too.

If you are in this space right now or know someone who is, I hope and pray that you will read on. I wrote these words last winter after an ice storm hit Indiana. I hope my thoughts will help you know you aren’t alone. And that God is with you, God lovingly created you, and God provides for you—even in the depths of depression. 💜 And yes, these pictures are actually from snow that came in October this year—crazy Indiana weather!

February 2022: Last night, an ice storm left our roads, yards, and sidewalks covered in ice, thickly piled with several inches of snow. This morning, the sun came out, the fresh blanket of snow sparkling.

My heart is heavy and weary, but I know I need to get up and go for a walk. Trudging through the snow, feeling the wind whip my face, and slowly losing feeling in my fingers and cheeks, I try to savor this moment. I do what I’ve always done, where I feel like I need to thank God for each moment and when I feel like I can’t thank Him well enough, I begin to feel guilty. This time, however, I stop and I realize that God doesn’t need my perfection; instead, He wants my heart. He gave me my very breath and being. So, me just breathing and being aware of Him, is all that He wants me to do. He wants me to acknowledge Him in my life, even in this current storm of depression.

Walking on the sidewalk, my boots hit a slick ice patch, my feet slightly faltering before finding secure ground again. My eyes take in the patches where the ice disappears, melted away by the sun or by the salt that a neighbor lovingly sprinkled atop the sidewalk. As I keep walking, I trudge through snow, rather than slipping on ice.

In this moment, I realize depression is sometimes like ice on a sidewalk, spreading it’s darkness suddenly, making us slip and even causing us to fall. But, God never leaves us, even on the slippery ice. As I walk, I realize that God provides for me in this moment—through the sun shining down on my cold face and melting the ice, through the salt that a neighbor poured, and through the snow that provides traction so I don’t slip.

God is always with us, even in the darkest spots of our lives. Even when we don’t feel Him, He is there and we don’t have to do anything to prove our love for Him. He loves us, depression and all. He will help us navigate the ice, no matter how terrifying, drawing our hearts to Himself. ❤️