Refuge of Grace

My son’s scream jolts me out of my thoughts as we walk over the rocky trail on a daily adventure. Sticking out his bottom lip, he looks up at me, “Mommy, it’s red. I’m bleeding. I need a Bandaid.” I reach into my bag and pull out a neon colored Bandaid, pulling off the wrapper and pasting it on his arm. “Oh, buddy, I know it hurts. This will make it feel better.”

Reflecting upon the scrapes and scratches I’ve had throughout my life, I can always remember how I received them, but I don’t often think of the healing provided as my injury healed. Isn’t this often the case? We remember every detail of the twisted ankle, broken leg, or slip on the ice, but we often glaze over the healing.

Scars show up because pain occurred, but what if we reframed from rehearsing the pain to remembering the healing? If I’m honest, this kind of thinking doesn’t come naturally for me. There was a time when I only focused on the pain of depression. In His kindness, the Lord led me to a string of verses in Psalm 139:

“Where shall I go from your Spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence?

If I ascend to heaven, you are there!

If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there!

If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,

even there your hand shall lead me, and your right hand shall hold me.”

—Psalm 139:7-10 ESV

These words painted God’s healing presence into the pain—I was no longer alone. As time passed, I more clearly memorized God’s healing in the deepest parts of my soul. Through many words spoken, written, and prayed I retraced the Lord’s help through my despair. His presence when my prayers felt hollow and empty, His truth when depressive or self-harming thoughts would surface, and His unfailing love through care from family and friends.

Slowly I began to see the Lord’s presence in the pain. He never left. And friend, in whatever hardship or difficulty you are facing, He never leaves you. So together, as we trace our scars’ jagged edges, let’s retrace our Lord’s presence and our scars just might become the tiniest bit more beautiful.